:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
