I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm always down for nudity.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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