Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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