how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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