worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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