my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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