dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
