I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
