my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
as a side note pls kill me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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