I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
