Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
