Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
