I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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