that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
