official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
