Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
