I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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