I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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