Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
