i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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