Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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