DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize