Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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