So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
