Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
