Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
