perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
