your room smells of hookers.
And success
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
