Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
