People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize