I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
