Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
