Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I could make wine with my vomit
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
