You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
