my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
