I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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