Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
