New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
