Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
