Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
