I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
