Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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