I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please come you make the beer taste better
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
