Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize