how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
