Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
