escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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