I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
