There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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