I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
