i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am available for nakedness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
