i think my mom watched the whole time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
