At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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