the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
