i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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