Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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