I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
