I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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