Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
