last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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