I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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