I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
