I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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