I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
