Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
