Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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