Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize