I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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