I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
