end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
