we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
