Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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