so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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