The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
