just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
